Incident at a cricket match 

Towards the end of last season at one of Checkendon's matches, an unusual incident occurred. Checkendon were fielding and, for no apparent reason, Paul Holland started to strip off his clothing at an alarming rate, with no regard to the sensitive feelings of the players and spectators.

The reason for this apparently eccentric behaviour was later revealed. It seems that a wasp had made an unauthorised intrusion upon Paul's person and stung him once, and it was to prevent it from repeating the attack that Paul was panicked into his impromptu strip­tease. And there the matter might have rested except that I feel there is a lesson to be learned regarding the correct action, which should be taken by anyone who finds himself in Paul's situation, to limit the possible injury.

The medical situation in which Paul found himself in has a long Latin name, of which a rough translation is, "Wasp adjacent to the tackle". Paul's immediate reaction - borne out of panic - was to try to strip off his clothing. This also caused the wasp to panic, and Paul was indeed lucky not to have received further stings.

The correct action in this situation is not to make sudden movements like stripping off the clothing - quite the reverse! Keep all clothing in place, and proceed to stage 2 of the plan - your masterstroke - which is to break wind. Wasps do not like this one little bit! It confuses them and immediately puts them on the defensive. And do not let it bother your conscience if this method of waging warfare appears to have more in common with the principles of Saddam Hussain than with the Geneva Convention. The wasp is a vicious, cunning adversary who deserves all he gets. We know that foxes have a lot of people to look after their welfare, but you can believe me that wasps do not have anything like as much support, and that people will not be dashing out on to the streets in their thousands to protest because a wasp has received a clout behind the ear with a rolled-up newspaper.

So I am confident that the steps I have suggested are the correct ones for you to take should you ever find yourself in Paul Holland's situation. And why am I so sure? Well, when it happened to me, and I sensed that the wasp was crawling out from my trousers on to my shoe, I had a look at it through a magnifying glass. You know those two antenna things that wasps have sticking out in front of them? Well, the wasp was holding his nose with one, and the other held a small white flag of surrender! And that is enough proof for me!

by  Les Powell